Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
