My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
ok first of all what the fuck
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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