Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Every concussion has its silver lining
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
as a side note pls kill me
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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