good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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