she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
