I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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