We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
do herpes really smell.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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