Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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