Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
