I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
