So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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