So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
