This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
