went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize