did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Still dying that you shit outside
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
