physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
