You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
