Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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