he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
