i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
