4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
