What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
