A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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