i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
