i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
