Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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