What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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