last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
high people should be assigned attendants
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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