My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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