I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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