She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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