Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
