I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
