wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
