I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
