It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
That accounts for only three of the penises
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
