i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
