Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
