Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
