I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
