Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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