I just saw a hot homeless man
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
