I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
