Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
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