ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
