Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
