Whod you bang
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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