he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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