i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Come on in and take your pants off
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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