I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Green mimosas i think yes
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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