gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
