You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
