He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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