She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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