I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize