And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
