Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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