I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
