I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
