the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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