So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
