How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
the liver wants what the liver wants
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
