He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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