Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
