we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
tell me about the eggs
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
