so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
