he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
