I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
