So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
