i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize