Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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