Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
