you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
