fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
