Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
