I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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