I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Randomize
