ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
