why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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