I just cut my nipple shaving
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
