You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
