Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize