so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
