are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
