Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
