I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
