You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize