I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
