i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
