wanna go halves on a baby?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
