We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
