I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
