remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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