I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
