Already got asked if we're dating
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
