so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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