3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
someone threw a dead crab at me
handjob tips. give me some.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
