You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
In other news, I just burned my penis
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
