i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you traded sex for a burrito?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize