You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
